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Infertility, Adoption and Pregnancy Journey

1 in 4 women will experience pregnancy or infancy loss. That’s 2,000 women a day in the US alone.

I know that this topic is usually a taboo and not many people are open about their experiences.  In fact, it wasn’t until after my 2nd miscarriage that I learned that almost every aunt and both my grandmothers had suffered at least 1 miscarriage.  At the time I couldn’t help thinking that maybe if I had known that earlier and told my doctor something could have been done to prevent more.

Just think about the support and love and community we can give each other. I know that it is a deeply personal thing and you may not wish to share, but I feel that I should.  That sharing is part of my journey.  Not only is it cathartic for me, but it may help someone else that is struggling. Here is the short version of the story & a timeline to today.  

I had no problem getting pregnant with Abigail. The pregnancy was completely uneventful, and labor/delivery was pretty much a breeze.  When Abi was almost a year we decided it was time to add another little one to the family.  We were expecting the same ease we had the first time, but that was not the case.

Between August 2009 and August 2012 I suffered 5 miscarriages. After the 3rd, the doctors diagnosed me with “unexplained spontaneous abortion.”  Basically it means my body would not complete a pregnancy and they have zero idea why.  Every test they’ve done has come back completely normal.  With that diagnosis, we decided to start the adoption process.

So here is a timeline of our story (If I remember the exact date I’ll list it.  If I don’t it will just be the month).  If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask!

2009

May – Abi turns 1!

July (early in month) – We’re pregnant!

August (late in the month) – Miscarriage #1 – passed naturally

November – Start the Eager Trial, a study to test the effects of low dose aspirin as an aid to combat infertility or sustain viable pregnancy.

2010

January – We’re pregnant!

March – Miscarriage #2 - passed naturally

June – We’re pregnant!

July – Miscarriage #3 – needed meds to help my body pass the baby
Kicked out of Eagar Trial (I had passed the miscarriage threshold for the study)
Start working with a pregnancy loss specialist

September – We’re pregnant!
Begin weekly ultrasounds with specialist

October 18 – They can see the heart beating, but can’t hear it.

October 25 – Miscarriage #4 – discovered during the ultrasound to hear the heartbeat – undergo a D&C

November – Still having major pain and bleeding.
An ultrasound shows an “unidentifiable mass” – undergo an second emergency D&C.
After tests they find the mass was a second set of “products of conception”
Fetus tested and there were no problems found.  Told it was “perfect” and doctors were baffled.

December – Told by doctors to go on birth control for 9-12 months to give my body time to rest and recover – in just over a year I had had 4 miscarriages

2011

February – Decide to start adoption paperwork through LDS Family Services

March 12 – Paperwork,  training & home study completed. Waiting for approval.

May 16 – Approved for adoption through the state of Utah & listed on the It’s About Love site.

May 21 – Move to Minnesota for work, taken off It’s About Love until approval through MN complete.

June – Submit paperwork for approval

July-November – Paperwork in limbo as all government offices closed until a new MN budget can be reached – LAME!!

December – Brad is promoted and we move to Kentucky.  That means we get to start all over in a new state. I go back off birth control.

2012

January 12 – Brad promoted a second time and we are transferred to Boston.

February – Begin gathering documents and such for approval in Massachusetts

May 11 – Paperwork approved. Home study scheduled

May 13 – Asked by a young women at church if we will adopt her little boy due in November!! She had some hesitation since her family was against it and she was still dating the father so we tried to keep from getting too excited.

May 24 – Contact Premier Adoption about a birth mother we were referred to, also due in November with a little girl.

May 28 – Begin paperwork for Premier and Nevada (the state they are based in)

June – First birth mom and birth dad decide to get married and keep the baby

July 17 -Home visit completed

July 20 – Approved for MA & NV

July 23 – Phone call with our case worker & birth mother to meet her. These calls continue about every 2 weeks and after her Dr.
appointments

August – Miscarriage #5 -I was so caught up in getting ready for Baby Girl that I had not even noticed I was pregnant until I passed the baby. I was probably about 8 weeks.

September 29 – Abi & I fly to UT to visit family before Baby Girl is born in NV. Brad will join us when delivery is closer.

October 16 – Call from case worker letting us know birth mom had changed her mind about placement.  They gave her to the end of the week to give them her final decision.

October 19 – Birth mom back on board and (surprise!) she’s in labor.
Hop in car with Abi and my dad and drive the 6ish hours from Salt Lake to Vegas.
Brad jumps on plane and heads out west.

October 20 – Labor has stopped. We decide to stay at my step-brothers house there in Vegas until the baby is born.

October 22 - We meet the birth mom and her 2 year old daughter for lunch with our case worker.  Loved getting to finally meet her.

October 25 – Attend a Dr. appointment with birth mom.  Get to hear Baby Girls heart beat!!

October 29 – Attend second Dr. appointment with birth mom.

November 7 – Induction set up for November 12 @ 6pm

November 9 – Case worker calls.  Birth mom has decided to parent and has cut off all contact with the adoption agency.  They advise us to try to move on and just head home.

November 10 – Land in Boston – empty handed and heart broken but hopeful for what the next year will bring us.

2013

January 28 – Meeting with LDS FS area director to update profile information and paperwork

January 29 – Profile approved and linked to the It’s About Love website

April 9 – Consult with Doctor.  Blood drawn for further testing and appointment scheduled with specialist.

April 16 – Blood test results come back.  Tested positive for a blood clotting disorder.  Advise me to go on Aspirin regimen until further test can be done.

April 17 – Meet with specialist and discuss options.  More blood drawn for more tests.  Brad and I decide to wait at least one more month to start more invasive procedures.

May – Brad starts his own company and we will be moving to Missouri in a few months.

July 15 – Make it to St. Louis.  Looking into finding a specialist.

July (late in month) – Blood clotting tests run again. Come back negative for the disorder, but advised to stay on Aspirin regimen.

October 26 – Craving Lo Mein like crazy so on a whim purchased a Pregnancy Test as well.

October 27 – We’re pregnant!!!
Call OB and have appointment within 30 minutes for blood tests.
Put on “high risk” status. Will have appointments at least every 2 weeks.

October 28 – 2nd appointment – blood levels look great (2x higher than with past pregnancies)
Ultrasound confirms 8 week gestation.

November 6 (10 weeks gestation)-  Unable to find heart beat with doppler so sent in for ultrasound.
Ultrasound confirms healthy heart beat.

November 20 (12 weeks gestation)- This time we can hear the heartbeat with a doppler!  Levels are still great and there have been no complications.
Removed from “high risk” and told to come back in the normal 4 weeks.  Yahoo!!

December 19 (16 weeks gestation) – Everything still great and IT’S A LITTLE BOY!

December 22 – Move from MO to NC and will have to find a new doctor there.

2014

February 3 – Finally get in to see a new doctor.  Everything still looks fantastic.  Little Mr. sure is a wiggly kid.

May 22 – Very strong contractions.  Head to hospital. Checked and I’m at a 4.  No progression so sent home after 2 hours.

May 23 – Again, strong contractions.  Debate all day whether to head in.  Finally decide to in late afternoon after they get strong and closer together.  Check.  Still at 4.  Sent home again after 3 hours. No contractions, not even braxton hicks for the next 5 days.

May 28 – Happy Birthday Isaac! You can read the whole birth story here.